I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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