She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
