Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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