you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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