I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
