I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
