Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
