Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
