Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
