she looked like the before picture.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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