I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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