I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
