you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
