So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
