im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
