plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
