She said her name was "party"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
