I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
