I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
