this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
