im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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