I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
