I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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