Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
