I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
