ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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