She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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