oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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