Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
