i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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