In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
