i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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