The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
