I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
