Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
