Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
