i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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