this boner is exhausting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
