Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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