Soap is not a condiment
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
