I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I believe in your delicious
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
