So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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