I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
