Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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