My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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