Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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