Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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