Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
