therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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