my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's even glitter on my cock...
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