fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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