More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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