Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
