laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
